Blame it on the weight loss, a bad batch of colostomy wafers or something else entirely, but the last two days have seen two major poo-mergencies.
Colostomy blowouts. Codes brown, as it were. Clean up on aisle three.
Generally speaking, I have learned to roll with the punches. Clean myself off, wash the soiled clothes and the bathroom throw rug, slap on a new appliance and move on with the day.
As I’ve written in this space, I’m training for the Covenant Health Knoxville Marathon. One of my biggest concerns, after “Will I be able to do this?” is “Am I going to crap myself?”
I got the answer today: “Yup.”
It was cold, and my appliance was belted down but not tight enough I fear. This time, I didn’t feel the leak. At mile four, I smelled it. Like a port-a-let baking in the sun, or an interstate rest stop after a NASCAR race. I was a walking toilet.
I had colostomy supplies with me, but we (Anthony, Michael and I) were not near a bathroom. A Kroger was a mile away, though, so we ran in that direction.
Fifteen minutes later I emerged, as clean as possible given the situation, to finish the training run. What sucks is I was making great time! Had it not been for the cleanup stop, I would have run 11 miles in well under two-and-a-half hours.
While it was moderately embarrassing to crap myself in public, I was the first to make a joke about it.
More to the point, it would have been easy to give up, stop what I was doing, have someone come pick me up, and never go for a long run again. There are lots of people with colostomies sitting on their couches who have given up on life because they poop in a bag.
I’m not that guy.
If I give up, cancer wins. I’ll be damned if that bitch is going to win. Not on my watch.
Besides, I have another training run next weekend.
7 Comments
Bart
January 18, 2015 at 1:24 amI’ll be glad to stand with supplies for you along the marathon route…GO MICHAEL GO!
Lytheda
January 18, 2015 at 1:54 amYou simply amaze me. What an inspiration you are to so many people.
gloria holtz
January 18, 2015 at 2:20 amI wish I was there so I could help you with stand-by supplies. I am so proud of the man you have become. Of course I have always been proud to call you son,
Lori Friel
January 18, 2015 at 6:07 amThis cracked me up….because I’ve been there in some form or fashion. so incredibly proud of you for completing the run. You are incredible.
Kart
January 18, 2015 at 1:18 pmYou are my hero, Mart!! You take a $hitty situation and thrive from it. XO
Jen Hunt
January 24, 2015 at 11:43 amI crapped my pants on a training run once and I don’t have a colostomy bag! Unlike you, I turned around, headed for the car and drove home. Way to stick it out. Think of it as a marathoner badge of honor 🙂
Glad the training is going well! You’re going to rock it!
Michael Holtz
January 26, 2015 at 1:09 pmThanks, Jen! I’m looking forward to the big day.