It’s always something

Good news from my oncologist’s office today. The elevated blood calcium level is nothing to be concerned about.

Sarah and I were driving home from a weekend in Blue Ridge, Ga., when I got the call. I let out giant sighs of relief at least 100 times between that call and pulling into our driveway.

The previous week or so had been an emotional rollercoaster that sped from thinking “I’m having a recurrence and I’m ready for it” to “I don’t want to do it again” to “It’s probably nothing” and every torturous curve in between.

It’s emotionally draining, yet it seems like every year or so there’s something that might be, could be, but turns out not to be. A scrotal cyst here, an infected sweat gland there, a lung nodule here, an unusual blood test result there.

While my initial cancer diagnosis is nearly 10 years in the rear view mirror, I have this sense of it being all around me like background radiation or the humming of overhead electrical wires. There was an 80 percent chance of recurrence in the first two years after diagnosis. I survived against the odds.

And yet…

Am I fatalistic to believe a recurrence is inevitable?

Maybe, but that’s why I spend time in the gym and focus on staying healthy. If and when cancer comes back, I need to be ready to kick its ass again.

It’s also why I’m so vigilant in following up and following up and following up. It means the occasional emotional rollercoaster ride, but it’s worth knowing cancer doesn’t have a home here.